Forgiveness As An Opening

Forgiveness is overrated. I have been hurt and there is no remorse from the person who hurt me. Why forgive? It seems like weakness to me. I have to value myself and say no, that was unforgivable.

Blocking

Openings sometimes ask a lot of us before they appear. There is preparation to be done, but we are not even aware that the Opening is there. Until our preparation is complete, the Opening is blocked from our view. Living our lives in self-awareness and having self-knowledge and growth as primary values allows us to prepare for Openings we may not yet see.

A lack of forgiveness can block an Opening. It is natural, in our humanness, to feel violated by things that cause us trauma or hurt. Our reaction to hurt or trauma is to protect ourselves. Part of this protection can be strong emotions: feeling like a victim, anger, desire for revenge or resentment.

However, strong emotions like these can cause us to become stunted. We can hang on to these emotions, as we would a security blanket, thinking they are keeping us safe. They are not keeping us safe. They are keeping us right where we are – in the middle of the hurt and trauma, in a place where we cannot grow and heal or see some of the Openings before us.

The Power OF Forgiveness

The first thing to understand about forgiveness is that it is not capitulation to the person who hurt you. It is about your freedom from the trauma and pain. By going through and past the trauma and pain you will be free of it. Forgiveness does not mean that what happened is acceptable to you or that you have to keep that person in your life. It is about your own healing.

Forgiveness allows you to move away from the trauma and pain. You are free to return to inner health and move forward in your journey. You accept what happened, as much as you may wish it never had. As painful as the experience and the process of forgiveness is, there are gifts in forgiveness –learning more about yourself and others, knowing boundaries you will set in the future or gaining wisdom. Recognizing such a gift is what sets you free.

Lewis Smedes said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner is you.” Staying in resentment or anger does not serve us. Forgiveness frees us. There are many ways to forgive. In stepping away from a hurtful situation, these ways become clear and we can begin to forgive. It is a powerful and transformative journey.