This past weekend, I listened to Anderson Cooper’s “All There Is” podcast on grief. He was interviewing Frances Weller, psychotherapist and author (“The Wild Edge of Sorrow”). During their conversation, Weller talked about rough initiations (such as the death of a loved one) where our vulnerability, not our strength, gets us through. He described these rough initiations as invitational spaces to cross some threshold into a deeper sense of who we are meant to be. He said we are obsessed with happiness and the real work isn’t to be happy, but to be alive.

Ann

The Journey as Primary

As I listened to the podcast, what stayed with me is that our journey on earth – how we live, how we grow and where we go are what our lives are about. The journey gives our lives meaning. If we hide from our journey, we may find ourselves bumping into “life” unpleasantly and unexpectedly.  However, if the journey is primary, we know that life presents change and challenges, as well as happiness and joy and we become accepting of what comes.

What does Weller mean by being alive? Being alive involves being fully present to our journeys – accepting that we are here to learn and grow and that facing life’s challenges and rewards is part of the true meaning of our lives. We come alive when we are where we are meant to be. We embrace the Openings in our lives, even those that involve rough initiations and see them as gifts that bring us progress on our journeys.

Sometimes, we fall asleep on our journeys. We ignore the journey we are on. We stagnate and our progress is nil. We don’t realize we are asleep right away (or, in some cases, never) and we allow distractions, everyday life and illusions to create a cocoon that hides us from our journey. Sometimes, a rough initiation or profound insight wakes us up and we get back to our journey.

Why Rough?

This is a tough question and may not be answerable. Many have provided explanations for the sorrows and challenges of life – suffering brings us closer to God, we grow by these experiences or the journey demands it. Seeking answers can be productive, but certainty is not attainable and we may find our minds taking us for a ride that brings us frustration and no real destination. Mystery is part of our lives.

What we may see with rough initiations is that they strengthen us and we grow. But first, we must have the courage to accept their challenge and walk the journey they offer. Rough initiations can even lead to joy. It is not a given that suffering or challenge is without meaning. Our journey is a mosaic of many different experiences and what matters is that we participate in them.

As we take our journeys, perhaps shifting our perspective on rough initiations will provide some ease. If the journey is primary, it is these rough initiations, in part, that move us along. Could we allow ourselves to see them as blessings even as they ask so much of us? Can we see their worth in where we end up – perhaps in a better place, wiser for the experience or with exciting new vistas ahead of us?

Vulnerability

Do we see vulnerability as a power that gets us through rough initiations (as Weller did in the podcast interview) or as a weakness? What is vulnerability? It is often defined as susceptibility to attack or injury; the state or condition of being weak or poorly defended. Well, that is intense! Others see vulnerability in a radically different, more positive, way. Brene Brown has done some good work on this. It takes strength and courage to be vulnerable.

Rough initiations almost demand vulnerability. What we knew is no longer present and what worked for us before is ineffective now. Vulnerability, at its best, is flexibility and is especially powerful in the face of sorrow or challenge. How else can we grow but to be open to what is before us and to what we can learn? Rough initiations bring change. Rigidity can break us in the face of challenge.