Radical Detachment

I recently came across the phrase radical detachment. It got me thinking of how I was using others’ perceptions of me as a reference point for how I perceived myself.  – Ann

Entanglement

There is a scientific theory of entanglement where the quantum state of one particle is directly related to the state of another particle, regardless of the distance separating them. The quantum state of each particle cannot be described independently of the others. Particles of the same origin, which were once connected, always stay connected.

Entanglement certainly occurs for people involved in a society. We live communicate, work and play in proximity with each other. What others do and think affects us. Others become a reference point for us. Others perceptions of us can affect us on many levels from our status at work, in community and in society. That reference point can be healthy and can also be destructive. It is worthwhile for us to look at the place that others’ perceptions of us affect our view of ourselves.

Others’ perceptions of us come as much from their circumstances as from how they see us. Sure, we are connected on many levels, but do others and society’s judgements have to adversely affect how we think of ourselves? We can regulate our entanglement at this level and look inside for our perceptions of ourselves.

Detachment

In therapy, radical detachment is a concept that emphasizes caring for others without the desire to change them or control outcomes. This approach allows individuals to maintain their emotional stability while still empathizing with those around them. By practicing radical detachment, we can prevent others chaos from affecting our emotional well-being.

We can practice detachment by shifting our focus from how others perceive us to focusing on our own reactions and inner state. We do not need to be understood by others but rather understand and accept ourselves. We do not need to measure ourselves by society’s measures, but by our own. Our self-worth does not have to come from outside us, but from within.

Detachment can help us as we encounter Openings as well. We do not need to be in confusion as we face Openings. We need to be centered within ourselves. We need to make our own choices and not be constrained by society’s “shoulds”. The best decisions are made by us and for us. We know best what will bring us where we want to be. Detachment, when understood, is freedom.

Balancing

Entanglement and detachment both have their place in our lives. It is a balancing act of community and identity. The key is to find a balance that allows us to be ourselves and grow unconstrained by insecurity or fear. Here are some thoughts on balancing the two:

• We can focus on who we are, what we want and knowing ourselves well so that undue or unhelpful outside influences are countered.
• We can accept the perceptions and even judgements people have of us once we put them through a filter of who we are and what we want for ourselves.
• We can value and nurture communities that accept and respect us for who we are.
• We can seek out experiences that enhance who we are and allow us to grow in the direction we want to.
• We can respect ourselves for who we are and what we want to become and communicate that self-respect in the ways we act and interact.